in Reflections

In Memory of My Brother-in-Law — GoFundMe Memorial Fund –June 22

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It’s still so surreal. Life changed forever last Thursday night (6/16) when my husband Dave’s dad called at 8:18pm (still on the caller ID). Dave answered and I watched the color drain from his face as he exclaimed, “Oh my God…”

 

He repeated it a few more times, then hung up and threw the phone across his desk. I asked him what was wrong, and he simply said, “Doug is gone…” Then he wept for quite awhile as I held him and tried to comfort him.

 

My brother-in-law Doug.
My brother-in-law Doug.

 

Dave’s younger brother Doug committed suicide last week.

 

The family is reeling in shock and grief. Dave used to be really close to Doug, but they had drifted apart over the last few years. That’s part of why Dave is so upset with himself and he has so many regrets. He has cried more in the past few days than in the 13 years we’ve been together.

 

Doug struggled with depression for awhile, for a variety of reasons, but there was no indication  he was in such a state of despair to push him over the edge.

 

It’s so awful for everyone in the family, as well as friends, and especially his fiancée. They only recently got engaged, and she is, understandably, devastated.

~~*~~

To help the family cover the unanticipated expenses, and to set up trust funds for Doug’s kids, we are using GoFundMe to raise funds.

This is the text within the GoFundMe Memorial Fund:

“Things that you taught me,

and all that you gave to me,

how can I tell you about what it’s meant to me?

Of all the things that you taught to me,

and all the things that you’re giving to me,

your love means the most to me.

I’m writing this just to let you see.

I found my way out into the night,

you took my hand saying it’s allright,

and pulled me right back into the light,

and helped me thru one hell of a fight.”

–Written by Douglas C. Banks

~~*~~

Sadly, this gentle soul has now lost that fight.

The Banks family and loved ones suffered a tragic loss on June 15, 2016.

Doug was a beloved son, brother of five siblings, father of a son and a daughter, fiancé of a beautiful lady, cousin of many, uncle of several nieces and nephews, friend of numerous acquaintances, and co-worker of several.

He loved his family and friends. He exercised his creative genius in anything he put his hand to. He was a lover of poetry, writing, and music—especially playing his guitar.

Now his presence is sorely missed and his loss has devastated his loved ones.

The suddenness of Doug’s departure has left the family with unanticipated funeral costs and related expenses.

While a family memorial service will be held soon, the family would like to request donations, rather than flowers, in Doug’s memory to help defray costs. Any size donation would be welcome.

Donations over and above expenses would go toward creating a trust fund for Doug’s children.

God bless you all and thank you ahead of time for your kindness and generosity during this difficult time.”

~~*~~

Please note:

I’m not asking any of you readers to donate unless you feel moved to do so; just asking if you would consider sharing the fundraiser across your own social media accounts.

If you aren’t comfortable doing that, then please just send prayers and kind thoughts to the entire Banks/Livingstone (Mom’s side) family. Thanks and God bless!

~~*~~

 

 

Doug in the White Mountains on a trip with his brother Dave to a Phish concert in Oswego, New York, in 1999.

~~*~~

16 Comments

  1. tara pittman

    What a terrible phone call to get. So sorry to hear this.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  2. Michelle Gwynn Jones

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  3. Elizabeth O.

    I am sorry for your loss. I’m sure whatever pain he was feeling is all gone now. For now, it’s important to support your husband and be there for him through this ordeal. I hope in time, all the wounds will heal.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  4. LIz Mays

    This is so heartbreaking, and I’m so very sorry. I’ll pray for healing and comfort for the family.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  5. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I will keep your family in my thoughts.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  6. Mary Burris

    It’s never easy to get that type of phone call. Sorry to hear of your family’s loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle

    24 . Jun . 2016
  7. Sarah Bailey

    Oh my goodness what an awful shock for you all. 🙁

    24 . Jun . 2016
  8. Nicole Escat

    I am so sad o hear about this. He sounds like a nice man, may the comfort be with your family.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  9. Pamela

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you and your family are feeling. Praying God will comfort and give you strength.

    24 . Jun . 2016
  10. Lexie Lane

    Oh, this is a really hard time for you and your family. Please send my condolences to all. I hope you will be fine later on.

    25 . Jun . 2016
  11. Jenjen

    Sorry to know that. My sincere condolences.

    25 . Jun . 2016
  12. Melisa

    Prayers and well wishes for your family to get through this trying time. I’ve been in your shoes, watching my husband take the call where he learned of his brother’s death. It’s a hard situation to bare.

    25 . Jun . 2016
  13. R U S S

    Sorry to hear about your loss. My heart aches for you and your family. Sending prayers your way.

    25 . Jun . 2016
  14. Shaylee Field

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sending my condolences to you and your family in this difficult time.

    27 . Jun . 2016
  15. Enricoh Alfonzo

    Oh no. that is such a terrible loss. my deepest and sincerest condolences. You are so strong for your family in their time of need, this post is such a thought provoking one. Gratitude is essential

    28 . Jun . 2016
  16. Marts

    I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in this time of grief. My deepest condolences.

    29 . Jun . 2016

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