Are relationships with others based on 50/50 shared responsibility? Or should each of us be willing to take 100% responsibility, giving preference to others, as long as we’re not involved in abusive or dangerous relationships with other people?
How often do we wish we could change somebody to be more to our liking?
Whether the person is a spouse, “significant other,” child, friend, business associate, colleague, client, service provider…there’s usually that tendency to see the negative before we see the positive and want to change what we don’t like, instead of focusing on what we do like in an individual.
I read an article and watched this thought-provoking little 2 1/2-minute video about the “100/0 Principle” which emphasizes the novel concept to take 100% responsibility for a relationship and expect nothing in return. The interesting thing is, when you do that – it often changes the outcome, as the person with whom you’re interacting responds in kind.
Funny, sounds just like the “sowing and reaping” principle – typically, if you “sow” seeds of criticism, you “reap” a judgmental attitude from someone in return –if you “sow” seeds of encouragement, you “reap” kindness in return.
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Additional inspiration for today…
“Giving preference to others
requires a willingness to adapt and adjust.
It means to allow another to go first
or to have the best of something.
We show preference when we allow someone
with fewer groceries in his cart
than we have in ours
to go in front of us
at the supermarket checkout counter,
or when we are waiting in line
to use a public restroom
and someoneĀ behind us in line is pregnant or elderly
and we choose to let that individual go ahead of us.
Each time we show preference,
we have to make a mental adjustment.
We were planning to be first,
but we decide to be second.
We are in a hurry,
but we decide to wait on someone else
who seems to have a greater need.
A person is not yet rooted and grounded in love
until he or she has learned
to show preference to others (see Ephesians 3:17).
Don’t just learn to adjust,
but learn to do it with a good attitude.
Learning to do these things
is learning to walk in love.”
–Joyce Meyer in “New Day New You”
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My reflections:
I’m thinking about what kind of changes I need to make to change outcomes in situations I’m currently experiencing or anticipating.
I think I’m usually a giving, considerate person most of the time, but other times I know I feel protective or cautious about what will happen if I change and the other person doesn’t. It’s definitely an issue of trust, and learning to adjust AND have a good attitude while doing so.
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So what are YOUR thoughts?
What do you think about the 100/0 principle? Do you agree with it?
Can you think of areas you need to make changes in?
I think we are 100% responsible for ourselves. So a relationship would have to be 50/50. You can not give give give and have the other always take. that is not balance nor is it fair
I think the 100%/0 principle works when there is reciprocity. Some people are takers and would abuse such a principle.
Something that helped me immensely in regards to taking responsibility for my actions is realizing that I couldn’t take responsibility for my actions until I FIRST took responsibility for my emotions. 100%
And when I do that, I experience what you describe: my relationships reflect what’s happening inside of me. Powerful stuff!
One needs to think it is not about me. It does one good to think of others.
I think it depends on both people and what kind of relationship you have. Everyone is different. The key is both parties should be happy and take the others feelings into consideration.
We all have areas we need to improve in.Mine right now is relaxing with micromanaging my family.
I think that if there is not 100% reciprocity, then it can’t last. Both parts must give the same amount they receive
Awesome inspirational post! That clip was EPIC thanks for sharing. You’re reflections was my fav part.
I like it. I think many of us (myself included) could spend less time thinking about our wants, needs and desires and spend a little more time focusing on the needs of others.
This is an interesting post. I always feel like I have to take 100% of the responsibility for everything. With that said I also find I spend more time focusing on the needs of others and neglecting my needs. I tend to feel that others problems are somehow my fault if that makes any sense. Thanks for sharing this post. It is one I shall reflect on.
There are so many aspects to relationships. It is hard to be 50/50 or 100 in all aspects.
I think numbers are not important in a relationship but how the both of you accept each other’s differences and work things together.
Yes, relationship should be 50/50. Both must give and take and responsibility must also equal as well as the love for each other.
I was just talking to a friend of mine about this. So many times we hear 50/50, when it actually should be 100/100!
I love this article, I learn many lessons from it. In a relationship, both should give their % according to what they can and the other will fill up the remaining %.
I think we always need to give 100% because sometimes the other person can’t and this way it is always covered. If you each look at it as 50/50 and someone is having an off day or period then the 100% is not met. This is very important in marriage. When everyone is striving to give it their all (100%) then you are covered.
there s always something to improve. But could be difficult to give the first step!
Interesting thought process on this! Makes me wonder, lol.
I have always given my 100% in any relationship i had and it actually works well for me. it makes me a lot happier and content especially now that i am married š
I admit, there are a lot of times when I was wishing that a certain person was different. I’ve just come to realize that it can’t be that way, I should accept them for what they are, even if my wishes were for the best.
This is great and just what I needed to hear. Sometimes I forget to put others before myself.
Relationship should be 50/50 especially sharing with responsibility. Two people should help each other to achieve goals and dreams about their life. You cannot survive if one is handling. It needs a balance to work.
You should be able to give anyone that you really care about 100%! You should also give that much to yourself, too.
I feel that if you are in a relationship, it should 50/50. But that’s just my opinion.
I don’t think I could continue a 100/0 relationship for long. I had a friend like that and it became absolutely exhausting for me. I just had to walk away.
For me, it’s a 50/50 shared responsibility when it comes to a relationship between two people especially when they’re married.
I don’t agree with people thinking of relationships as “50-50.” It’s impossible to make everything equal in that way, and I think it’s not the best way to look at it, since you will think of only needing to go halfway. I’m definitely someone who thinks that everyone should give 100%! 50% is never enough.
a good relationship will not work unless both people work together. Great post. Thanks for sharing!